I had one of my new awesome mama friends over a couple of weeks ago. We had a blast watching our daughters playing on the floor together. And we chatted about how fast all of this is going. She told me about an article she read recently about the importance of looking back. As new moms, we often get excited about “the firsts”. We look forward to the first time our baby rolls over, the first time they smile, the first time they crawl, etc. But it’s equally important to reflect on “the lasts” too. Remembering the last time our baby’s eyes were blue. The last time we swaddled them. The last time we had to hold their chins when we burp them. Little by little, we forget all those little details.
For the first three months of Adele’s life, I caught myself thinking about the future a lot. I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait til she would take regular naps. I couldn’t wait until she could sit up on her own. I couldn’t wait until I had my old life back again. (Part of these feelings definitely could have been related to my post partum, so I don’t feel guilty for feeling this way). But all of a sudden in month four, everything feels different. I see physical and cognitive changes in her every day. Taking care of her actually feels easy. And now, I catch myself now wishing to desperately hold onto these little moments.
Especially since I’m at work full-time, I find myself consciously trying to cement these details into my memory. I want to always remember how her eyes changed color from blue to green. I want to remember how her little fingers wrap around mine when I nurse her. I want to remember the way she snuggles into me when I put her in the carrier. I want to remember how her hair smells after a bath.
Remember when I was so desperate to find a way to get her to sleep without rocking her? Well now, I miss that too. I miss holding her as she drifted off to sleep. She was so calm and trusting in my arms. So happy, warm and sleepy. It’s funny how one can get nostalgic about things like that.
She is still going strong on a 7p-8a sleep schedule. Though I know that some moms would be super jealous that my baby sleeps 13 hours a night — every.single.night–, I’m starting to see the downside of that. I don’t have much time with her during the day. I leave for work just as soon as she wakes up, and she goes to sleep an hour after we get home. Suddenly I find myself hoping she’ll wake up in the middle of the night just so I can get some extra snuggle time with her. Irving suggested waking her up and bringing her into bed with me, but I would feel bad stirring her from her slumber. For now, I just enjoy our time together as much as possible. I smile a little bigger, I hold her a little tighter and I play a little longer when I can.
Here’s an analogy for you that I just thought of…. The first three months of Adele’s life, I felt like I was on a train platform. The train was stopped and people were getting on. I just stood on the platform thinking I had all the time in the world and that the train was never going to leave. Well month four is like seeing the steam coming out of the train. I know it’s getting ready to move. The wheels are starting to turn and it’s time for me to get on. I have a feeling that from here on out, that train is just going to keep picking up speed and time is going to go by super fast. People aren’t kidding when they say “it goes by so fast!” Good thing our family likes to travel. We’re just happy to be on the train. All aboard!